youre lurking in front of me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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