I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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