Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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