When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize