Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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