Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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