you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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