Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize