I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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