i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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