i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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