It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize