Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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