I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
