ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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