Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize