So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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