on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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