i just had sex bonerless
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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