WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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