I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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