You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize