Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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