My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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