and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
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Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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