She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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