No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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