forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love accidental penises.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
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this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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