I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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