Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize