Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize