walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize