so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize