i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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