She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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