I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Every concussion has its silver lining
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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