i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He passed out mid-signature
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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