How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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