Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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