I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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