so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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