Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize