NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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