Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize