i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have aggressive nipples.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize