found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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