NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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