4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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