Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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