I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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