Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize